The battle fighting within me
breaks me from the inside out
as I see your faces as I remember you all
loving me the way you used to.
The tears I cry in my dreams are real
the memories like yesterday but today
but I cannot cry them when awake
for they make me feel weak and afraid.
I gave you so much of myself
that sometimes I have not much left
to share with others or even to sustain life
because you were my life and your gone.
I try not to think of you most times
thinking the pain will just fade away
but this kind of pain sits in your gut
and it fights you and rips you apart.
Maybe that will make you feel better
knowing that I’m never going to be okay
but even still you should know
I love you all until the last breath leaves my lungs.
I was born to love you.
A tiny voice inside me
becomes so loud from within
“Where do you come from?”
I respond with “Where do I begin?”
Long roads of feeling lost
feeling out of place
Always just a girl in the world
average at best
I stood there with my pride showing
as I gladly puffed out my chest
No one to lean on
no shoulder to catch my tears
I felt so damn alone
one of my biggest fears
by the pain choking me inside
no one I could turn to
only a wardrobe for me to hide
All of the sadness
captured and held from within
I carried it with me still
Now we’re back to “Where do I begin?”
Image Courtesy of Deviant Art
There is never a moment that you want to believe
that you have become disposable in your loved ones’ lives.
Here I stand today alone and cold, breathing without you.
I am tossed in the trashed without you all looking back
and you didn’t even notice me standing there reaching for you.
The pain is so harsh on my heart, crying out to you.
You left me without a second thought or a glance in my direction
because you were only thinking of yourselves and your own needs.
Now still you leave me feeling like trash, rotting day by day.
I’ve become like compost for your gardens of destruction
rotting in the morning sunshine and whispering winds of the afternoons.
Each day withering a little more, losing a piece of me inside.
I wish I could release myself from this inner hell I am fighting
because inside I am dying a little more each day missing you all.
It kills me to let you go, but I need you to release me.
Let. Me. Go.
The moment you feel a tear drip down your face
and didn’t know you were crying…
the broken feeling inside your heart
does not wither away with the time passing by
your heart keeps aching to fill the void
but is unsuccessful
You’re no longer mine.
I wish you the best…even when I feel I am at my worst.
Sacrificing my happiness always for you…
That is what a mother does…even though I will never be again.
Frozen in the year 2012.
That’s when it all began.
The choices you make break me.
You’re killing me softly.
This hurts to much.
The pain is only on my end.
You keep moving forward…
I keep fixing the loose ends.
Then you go behind unraveling them.
I am done fixing your mistakes.
Done bearing the pain you cause me.
I’m moving on to the life I have to accept…
Since you left me here in the cold…
Photo Courtesy of Giphy
You led me to this road
With no purpose
I don’t know where
To go from here
What do I do now you’re gone
This mess you left
Is so much to bear
Chaos and misery
Ringing loud from your soul
Do we fight and stand our ground?
We need your voice
To lead us to truth
To set your soul free
The silence has become deafening
We hurt inside
From missing you
Not able to mourn
They’ve stolen our grief
I’m screaming inside out with my pain
No one hears me
Nor do they see me
They don’t care
Only about their empty pocket
I need to cry out with my loss of you
But I can’t
And I won’t
Until you have peace
Neither of us shall rest at all
Pure evil our daddy must have seen within their eyes
As the morphine filled his veins
No remorse graced their tired sunken dead-fall faces
As they stood showboating their chests in dominance over the crowd
Pure cold blood running through their snake-like bods
As they scavenge through his life with a fine-toothed combs
We stand back watching and growing sicker to our tums
Ashamed you should be but your much too dumb
The evil within you will eat your soul alive
Karma will come to you with one hell of a price
Mercy will not come to murderers and thieves
I hope our daddy will soon be able to rest in peace
You once told us we “brought this on ourselves”
I am sure you will hear the same thing when you make it to Hell.